Categories
thoughts

Judgement is on the opposite spectrum of sympathy

This month I had to live with other teenagers (my best friends) in a foreign environment for a week and half. There were mixed genders, and other kids our age that we hung out with every day.

In general, I spend most of my time with people older than me, so although normal for most 19 year olds, hanging out with other teenagers for a continuous period of time made me realize a lot of things I might not have otherwise noticed if this was my standard environment.

One of the most impactful realizations was that:

  1. Feeling judgemental is on the opposite spectrum of having sympathy
  2. Having a high degree of judgement can be detrimental to developing an “accurate” understanding of other people, and the world
  3. Increasing my ability to sympathize with others (not overly, but just enough to not be judgemental) is important.

When people feel lots of judgement towards others, it can be in either the presence or absence of empathy: you can understand exactly where the person is coming from and their situation or you can have no clue.

What we lack in this scenario is the ability to sympathize with that person: we can’t feel sorry for them, and therefore instead feel judgemental towards behaviour we disagree with.

Here’s the thing: most of the time when we think someone else’s behaviour is “negative”, it’s because that person has not built enough resilience to their biological instincts, limiting them from behaving in any other way (i.e. changing our demeanour when we’re around people we’re attracted to, or acting out on anger).

Note: this doesn’t excuse them or mean that they can’t have control over their actions. Instead, what it means is that they don’t have enough practice over having full ownership and control. This is still something they have to work on.

The problem here is that as an outsider, if you’re typically a judgemental person, you won’t be understanding of this and overfit your negative reaction and rationale on that person and scenerio. You’ll think it’s more “negative” than it really is, because of your subjective experience rather than the objective truth that that person’s behavior/scenerio is actually normal, to be expected, or currently outside of their control.

The danger in overfitting your reaction is that it imbalances you’re ability to both sympathize & empathize with that person in the future. It skews your understanding of them, or the world – and that compounding means your perception of the world outside of you continues to become more and more incorrect.

What’s interesting is that this tends not to happen towards people younger than us. An example is middle school students – it is so clear to the outside world when kids change their behaviour for their crushes, or to fit in with the cool crowd. More often, our reaction as a collective seems to be “awh, poor kids” or “awh, that’s so cute – they’re growing up and learning, experiencing life!”. We seem to never be able to judge them – not only because we can empathize with what they’re going through (they’re just being kids, exporing their biological responses to attraction, feeling confused and undergoing emotional rollercoasters) but the sympathy we feel for them allows us to not get clouded by judging their behaviour and in turn actually affecting our overall ability to empathize.

The blend of the two things create the ultimate ability to truly listen and understand other people.

My current environment promotes having high judgement. It’s viewed as a good thing: being critical might make you better at looking at/understanding inefficiencies (whether that directly be in other people, or the world). But I think having a critical lens on the world does not need to equal feeling judgemental. And that’s what I’m really getting at here: the feeling of judgement and negativity towards other people’s behaviour is more hindering that the lens of seeking objective truth and understanding, even if that be through a more critical lens than most people.

Knowing this, I’m personally going through a lot of internal shifts to remove emotional judgement, and truly be someone who can really listen to other people, feel what they’re feeling, increase my ability to empathize and sympathize with them, so that I can really understand and tap into their world.


Want to get an exclusive update on what the progress I make on my projects? Subscribe to my personal newsletter.

15 replies on “Judgement is on the opposite spectrum of sympathy”

Thank you for every one of your hard work on this web page. My daughter really loves making time for investigations and it’s really obvious why. Most people learn all of the lively mode you offer priceless tactics through this web site and even inspire participation from some other people on the matter so our favorite girl is now starting to learn a lot of things. Take advantage of the rest of the year. You are always doing a remarkable job.

My spouse and i have been really joyous that Jordan managed to do his reports through your precious recommendations he had through the web pages. It is now and again perplexing to just find yourself handing out secrets and techniques which people today may have been selling. So we keep in mind we need the writer to give thanks to for that. The most important illustrations you have made, the simple web site navigation, the relationships you will help to instill – it’s got most overwhelming, and it’s really leading our son in addition to the family reason why the situation is exciting, which is rather mandatory. Thank you for the whole lot!

Thanks so much for providing individuals with an exceptionally terrific opportunity to discover important secrets from this website. It is always so pleasant and full of fun for me and my office colleagues to visit the blog at a minimum 3 times weekly to find out the new things you have. And of course, I’m just usually motivated with the attractive guidelines you give. Selected 4 ideas in this article are without a doubt the most beneficial we’ve had.

My husband and i have been now glad when John managed to finish off his researching through the precious recommendations he gained through the web page. It is now and again perplexing to simply continually be making a gift of procedures which often the rest may have been making money from. And we also discover we have the website owner to thank because of that. The main illustrations you have made, the simple website navigation, the friendships you will aid to instill – it’s mostly terrific, and it is helping our son and us believe that this article is fun, and that is unbelievably vital. Thank you for all!

A lot of thanks for your entire work on this site. Gloria delights in participating in research and it’s simple to grasp why. Many of us learn all of the powerful way you convey functional tips on the web blog and foster contribution from other individuals on this topic so our princess is really understanding a lot. Enjoy the rest of the year. Your doing a first class job.

I not to mention my friends appeared to be following the good information and facts located on your site and at once came up with an awful suspicion I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those strategies. Most of the young boys happened to be totally passionate to read through all of them and now have in reality been using these things. Thank you for simply being quite accommodating and for using this form of incredible information most people are really needing to know about. My very own honest regret for not expressing appreciation to earlier.

Thank you so much for giving everyone remarkably terrific possiblity to read from this blog. It really is so pleasant and also stuffed with a great time for me and my office colleagues to search your web site at minimum three times in a week to learn the newest stuff you have. And of course, I’m certainly astounded considering the spectacular thoughts served by you. Some 3 areas in this posting are basically the very best I’ve had.

Thank you a lot for giving everyone an exceptionally breathtaking chance to discover important secrets from here. It’s always very pleasant plus stuffed with a lot of fun for me personally and my office peers to visit your blog more than thrice weekly to read through the latest issues you have. And definitely, I’m so always amazed with all the powerful creative concepts you serve. Some 3 tips in this posting are undeniably the most suitable we have all had.

My husband and i felt really relieved when Peter managed to deal with his analysis from the ideas he discovered out of your web site. It is now and again perplexing to just always be giving out methods which many others could have been making money from. So we realize we have got the website owner to appreciate for that. The explanations you have made, the straightforward website menu, the friendships your site make it possible to engender – it’s many awesome, and it’s really assisting our son and us do think the situation is enjoyable, and that’s rather vital. Thank you for everything!

I and my pals have been going through the good solutions located on the website then suddenly came up with a horrible feeling I had not expressed respect to you for those tips. Most of the people came for this reason excited to study them and already have simply been using those things. Thank you for actually being well accommodating and for considering variety of awesome guides most people are really needing to be aware of. My honest regret for not saying thanks to earlier.

I intended to put you the tiny observation in order to thank you so much the moment again for your personal stunning strategies you’ve contributed on this site. It has been really pretty open-handed with you to grant publicly just what most people would have sold as an e book in making some dough for themselves, certainly considering the fact that you might well have tried it in the event you desired. The things additionally acted as the easy way to fully grasp that other people have similar passion the same as my personal own to understand much more when considering this problem. I’m sure there are a lot more fun sessions ahead for folks who looked at your site.

Needed to write you that very small observation in order to give many thanks again considering the superb knowledge you have shown in this article. This has been generous of you to grant unreservedly exactly what a lot of folks could possibly have offered for an e-book in making some cash on their own, precisely considering that you might have tried it in case you decided. These inspiring ideas in addition served like the good way to understand that some people have the identical dream the same as mine to learn a lot more pertaining to this problem. I am sure there are lots of more pleasant moments in the future for individuals who scan your site.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *